The fierce ocean screams to me, it begs me to feel its piercing cold, and allow it to caress my soft shivering body. Loneliness feels obsolete, as the ocean cries, I can hear it whisper my name. I give in to the calls, and become engulfed in my own demise. Suffocating from this dream-like state, it becomes obvious this is what i always wanted, yet never could find. The cold surrounds my body, and i no longer feel pain, yet a sensation of freedom rushes over my pale skin, as i take my last gulp of delicate air.

Constantly surrounded, crowded, overflowing. I seek refuge, my bed is my savior. The calming shades of white, and grey. The familiar smells. My bed is where i dream of unknown lands, and unachievable opportunities. I dream i can fly, i can speak every language, there is no need for a career, or to own my own car. The weight of the heavy doona against my warm body sends me into a complacent slumber, where i can dream up stories of exotic lands. When i wake, i am aware it is absurd living within my conscience mind forever, and i begin my day.

Crystal Castles - Pap Smear.

It's getting colder. The rain begins to fall, and the air feels like ice against our soft cheeks. Life becomes slow paced, and the warmth of beds is comforting. Warm tea soothes our wind grazed throats. Our boots stop our feet from getting wet. And that rare moment of sunshine between rainfall, casts a beautiful rainbow across our landscape, and we realise we are happy.

The sounds of the pitter patter against the window. The wheezing of the trains engine. I stare at the patterns the rain creates as it glides down the windows cold glass. The sun barely shines through cracks in the clouds, and warms our skins pale tone. The sound of a women talking to a loved one on her phone, her voice soft yet passionate. The sound of pages being turned while the reader is immersed in the story the may miss their stop. As the crowd parts i see you. Soft and delicate, you stand handsome. You smile a charming smile as our eyes meet. The train picks up the pace and the engine sounds strong and willful as it creeps into my station. I brush past the crowd and loose you again. We walk home bumping shoulders underneath your yellow umbrella.

The sound of the city calms me, it makes me feel safe. When i wake to silence i begin to panic, as if i'm terrified of hearing something strange. The sound of cars, of horns, of trains, it all reminds me i am not alone. It calms my brain. But when i listen to the news, i know i'm never safe. The unsettling thought of 'that'll never happen to me' runs through my head. I know this is not the case. I'm not naive, or ignorant, although, i believe innocence is a virtue. How bittersweet.

The chill from the winters air is like pins-and-needles when pulled briskly down my throat. Awoken by the loud patter of heavy rain against the tin roof, nothing can be heard over that crackling sound. I pull the heavy doona cover up to my neck as i roll over onto my back. Staring into nothingness, the dark night suffocates me. I shut my eyes tight, but it's the same image as before -- black. It's as though i don't belong, i do not exist, the world around me has collapsed and i am here under my doona, in my bed, beneath a roof which holds me from the bellowing rain outside. And that is all. Existence is nothingness, and nothingness is existence. There is no escape but accepting defeat. I slip back to sleep and wait for my next awake.